Patience
by DeadlyFandoms
Summary: Nine months pregnant and incredibly uncomfortable, Mary just wants her labour to start and to have their child with them...but when Bert comes up with his own - unorthodox - way of inducing labour, it turns out to be a much more exhausting journey than either of them anticipated! (Mary Poppins and Bert romance and comedy)


**AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm totally not ignoring my multi-chapter stories...don't be silly...hehe. Okay, in honestly, I'm _not_ ignoring them, just struggling, hence why I'm writing a lot of one shots, they help me to get inspired because they allow me to write outside of the confines of the plots of my mutli-chapter stories...but they'll all get updates soon, I promise.**

 **Anyway, as I've said in the past I have LOADS of one-shot ideas (for Poppins and TSOM) and this is just one of the many, I was originally going to have this as a multi-chapter story with really short chapters, but decided against that because I didn't think it'd work very well. This has also been partially inspired by "Friends", more specifically: "The one where Rachel is late"**

 **Anyway, enough talk, I really hope you enjoy this because I think it's nice and cute and also quite funny. :)**

* * *

 **Patience**

 _ **Three days past the due date:**_

"I look like a whale!" Mary exclaimed as she adjusted her seated position on the bed. Well, _seated_ was perhaps and overstatement, she was as upright as she could be, but it was far from perfect posture…in fact, her observation of looking like a beached whale was rather accurate.

"I've always thought that whales were rather majestic" Bert chimed in as he lay by her side, his weight resting on a single elbow and a cheeky grin on his face.

"Oh, so you agree that I look like a whale?" Mary teased.

"Of course not, love, but if you were, you'd be the most beautiful whale that ever lived"

"You are ridiculous" she chided playfully with a punctuated roll of her eyes.

"Nah, I mean it. You've been radiant throughout this pregnancy an' just as beautiful as the day a met ya" she said warmly – causing a fluttering in his wife's heart.

"Well, Mister Alfred, it's nice to know that you're still as charming as ever"

"You expected anything less?"

"Oh, of course, it's a well know fact that all men change once they become husbands…soon the affection has gone, and you wonder where you went wrong!" she joked.

"Well, fear not, my darling wife, I'll always be as loving as I was in the very beginnin'"

"Hmmm, I wonder if you're only saying that because I'm nine months pregnant with your child?" she teased.

"Oh, of course, but I wasn't gonna to tell you that" he retorted with a playful smirk.

"Cheeky!"

"Seriously, though…" Bert began softly before smoothing a hand over Mary's swollen stomach, "I love you, an' I always will, okay? This baby 'asn't changed that, in fact, I'm pretty sure that it's made me love you even more, because it's reminded me of just 'ow amazing you are"

"Stop!" she giggled, and he knew that he was making her blush.

"No, I won't" he laughed, "you've been through so much lately and you've done it without a single complaint…not only that, but you're about to give me the greatest gift I could ever receive"

"Well, it was a team effort to begin with" she winked – causing her husband to laugh joyfully, "besides, I wouldn't hold your breath, this little one has already decided to be late, so I don't think we're going to be seeing them any time soon" he huffed before caressing her stomach.

"Oh, I dunno, doctor Miller said it could be any day now"

"He said that over a week ago, Bert"

"Yeah, so all the more reason to expect our little boy or girl to make their appearance"

"God, I hope they do!"

"Is it startin' to get uncomfortable?"

"Starting? No, it's been uncomfortable for a while…" she chuckled, "…but definitely more so now. My back is in agony, my feet are swollen, and I just feel so…so _big_! And heavy too"

"I'm sorry, Mary" he sighed.

"It's not your fault, love"

"I know but –"

"—ah, we've been through this, this is just part of pregnancy and you have no reason to feel guilty or blame yourself, okay?"

"Yes, Ma'am" he smirked. "Do ya want me t' rub your back?"

"Perhaps tomorrow night instead, I don't know if I'm up for it tonight"

"You might not be pregnant anymore by then"

"Oh, believe me, I will be. The little one is showing no signs of coming out just yet…" then, she bent forward slightly to look at her stomach, "you hear that? It's time for you to vacate the premises, you're making your mother very uncomfortable!" she giggled.

"We could always make love?" Bert suggested out of the blue, which caused Mary's eyes to practically jump out of their sockets.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Should I explain?"

"Please do"

"Well, I was talkin' with one of the sweeps this morning, Stanley, do you know Stanley?"

"Is he the boy who joined you a few months back? The one with the unfortunate haircut?"

"Yeah, that's 'im," he smirked, "Well, 'e's got three kids, and 'e said that his missus also went past 'er due date with their first one, but one night, they 'ad a little – uh – _alone time_ and their son was born the very next day!"

Mary narrowed her eyes.

"Hmmm, sounds more like coincidence to me…or another ridiculous male excuse to get their wives into bed"

"I'm serious! I know loads of men that swear by it!"

"Like who? Tell me of others besides Stanley"

"Jacob!" he said triumphantly.

"Jacob has children?" Mary raised her eyebrow.

"He sure does! Two, I think"

"And did those babies magically appear after he made love to his wife?"

"As a matter of fact, they did! And both he and Julia swear by it"

"Huh, what a medical marvel, funny how the doctors never tell us about this sort of thing" she sarked lightly.

"D'ya really think a doctor could look at us and talk about marital intimacies? People are far too prudish for that" Bert reasoned.

"Fair enough"

"So, are you up for it?" he asked with mock seduction and a wiggle of his eyebrows.

"No"

"Fine, but if that baby 'asn't arrived a week from now, don't blame me" he chortled.

"I think I'll go mad if I have to be pregnant for another week! I try so hard to keep myself occupied when you're at work, but I always end up sitting around wondering if I can feel anything or not" Mary adjusted her position slightly but winced as a pain shot through he lower back, "Oh, I'm not sure how much longer I can stand this!" she groaned, and for the first time in a very long while, Bert saw her begin to crack.

"Hey, hey, it's okay, you're gonna be fine" he soothed, "you never know, we might 'ave our baby with us by tomorrow"

"I really hope so…not just because I want to actually be comfortable again, but because I want our life as a family to start properly" she admitted.

"Me too" he smiled before cuddling into her side and embracing her, "they'll be with us before you know it"

"And I'm sure once the sleepless nights kick in I'll look back on this moment and wonder why I was so impatient" she laughed.

"Oh, I don't doubt it. But it'll all be worth it"

"Most definitely" she agreed before stifling a yawn.

Bert chuckled and lightly kissed her neck.

"Come on, you're tired, you should get some sleep, you never know, tomorrow might be a big day" he winked.

"Don't jinx it!" she mock scolded.

Slowly – and with a groan – Mary rolled over onto her side, but not before grabbing an extra pillow to place under her stomach. As much as she had adored her pregnancy, it was taking its toll on her now and she simply wanted it to be over. But, once the light was out and Bert had snuggled up behind her – his arms wrapped lovingly around her frame – she was finally able to relax. Still, as had been the case for the past month or so, sleep was not an easy thing for her to find, and despite her fatigue, her body kept her mercilessly awake.

She let out a minute sigh of indignation but was immediately comforted when Bert tightened his hold of her, pressed his body more fully against her own and feathered a kiss to the back of her neck; Bert had been her one constant source of strength throughout the pregnancy, and, deep down, she knew that she'd be able to get through it with him by her side.

* * *

 _ **Six days past the due date:**_ **  
**

"Well, Mrs Alfred, nothing seems to be irregular with the heartbeat, I just think that your baby is in no rush to make their appearance" smiled the doctor as he began to pack away his equipment.

Mary sat back down on the bed and shot a partially exhausted glance at her standing husband.

"I had feared that haste wouldn't be one of their inherited traits" she sighed with an injection of humour.

"Is it normal for 'er to be this far past 'er due date, doctor?" Bert inquired nervously – wringing his hands together in an attempt to keep himself settled.

"Hmm, I'm not sure if I would define it as completely normal, but it certainly isn't uncommon, plenty of mothers go past their due date, so I don't think there's any cause for alarm"

"And there's nothing that can be done?" was his next question.

"I'm afraid not, if your labour still hasn't started within the next few days, we can discuss the possibility of a sweep*, but unfortunately, this is mostly a waiting game now"

As the doctor continued to busy himself Bert bent down to whisper into his wife's ear,

"Funny, I know another kind of sweep that could 'elp that baby come faster" he teased almost crudely.

Mary blushed ferociously and swatted Bert's arm in response, he only laughed, but Mary was just grateful that the doctor hadn't heard his comment.

"Everything okay?" Doctor Miller asked when he spotted the aftermath of the commotion.

Mary simply sat quietly – fighting off her blush with a herculean effort – but Bert had other ideas; he shot her a smirk before turning back to the doctor.

"Actually, doctor, there was something I was wondering…"

"And what might that be, Mister Alfred?"

Mary's eyes were blown wide when she realised what he was up to.

' _Don't you dare!'_ her warning look seemed to say, as if she was challenging him to follow through with is teasing…and it was a challenge that he accepted.

"Well, I was talkin' to a friend of mine the other day – a friend 'oo 'as children – and 'e told me that certain _marital activities_ can sometimes speed things up a bit, and I was wonderin' what your professional opinion would be on that topic?"

Mary was positively mortified and reduced herself to hiding her face in her hands as doctor Miller coughed awkwardly; but Bert stood firm, thoroughly satisfied with his teasing and the reactions he'd elicited form both of his conversation partners.

"Uh, well, there has been some – erhm – dispute over whether or not the theory is accurate enough to be taken seriously in the medical field. But I – I have had patients who have experienced successful results from those kinds of _activities_ …" he spluttered, "…I can't really make a professional recommendation, but if you wish to – uh – explore it yourselves, I won't prohibit it"

"I see," Bert responded, grinning at Mary – who, at some point, had had the strength to take her hands away from her face – "Thank you, doctor"

"Not at all. Are there any other questions you wanted to ask?"

The Alfreds shook their heads.

"Okay, well, Mrs Alfred, I'd like to see you again in the next few days, so I'll contact you soon. Until then, I suggest you just carry on the way you are, make sure to don't exert yourself and to get plenty of rest. If there are any developments, please contact your midwife immediately"

"Thank you, Doctor" Mary said graciously.

"I'll see myself out. Goodbye"

"Goodbye" said Bert.

The pair sat in a silent sort of anticipation – listening to the quieting steps of the doctor – but as soon as they heard the front door close, Mary once again reprimanded her husband with a swat on the arm.

"Bert! How could you?"

"How could I what, my love?" he asked with feigned innocence…oh, he was enjoying this far too much!

"Ask doctor Miller about…about _that!_ It was so embarrassing!"

"Come now, Mary, I know that y' enjoy my teasing; don't ya think it was just a little funny to see 'im struggle like that?"

"Firstly, I don't enjoy _that_ kind of teasing, and secondly, do you think it's wise to be teasing our doctor?" she said pointedly.

"Per'aps not, but I just can't resist an opportunity to make you blush" he teased.

"It's going to land you in trouble one day"

"Oh, it already 'as, many times. Besides at least I got us an answer!"

"Not a very valid one"

"Well, the poor beggar could barely get 'is words out in a coherent sentence, but the information was all there"

"And what information might that be?" she asked with an appropriate raise of an eyebrow.

With a smug look plastered across his face, Bert took a few slow steps forward before leaning into his wife – arms placed on the bed on either side of her body to support his weight. He stopped for only a second to send her yet another teasing glance before huskily whispering…

"That making love is an effective solution"

"Oh please!" she chortled, "If it were an effective solution he would have said so"

"Well, 'e was probably embarrassed; 'e didn't like the fact that a little ol' chimney sweep like me 'as an extensive medical knowledge"

"Yes, I'm sure that's it" his wife sarked, "it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that it's an unproven theory"

"Isn't it essentially the same as a sweep?"

She was thoughtful for a moment.

"I won't disregard your ideas, but I highly doubt it's all that straightforward"

"Maybe so…still, 'e didn't exactly deny it" he smirked.

She looked at him suspiciously.

"Nor did he confirm it"

"That's the best situation t' be in…" he purred, once again leaning in to her, "…it leaves room for discovery"

"You're ridiculous" she scoffed.

"No, I'm attracted to my wife…so, you fancy givin' it a go?"

"Oh, you think I'm going to let you put your hands on me after what you just pulled with the doctor?!" she laughed in disbelief.

"Come on, Mary…" he half pleaded, before placing a kiss on the sharpness of her jawline, "it can't hurt, can it?"

"Perhaps I don't want to?" her teasing tone was _just_ beginning to resurface.

Bert pulled back, so he could look at her.

"With that look in your eyes? You're not fooling anyone, my dear"

He was right, although she would never admit it to him in this sort of situation, her skin was tingling from the feather-light kiss he'd given her, and the closeness of their bodies was making her positively dizzy. She could feel her heart beginning its tell-tale gallop, and she knew that if she didn't employ some resistance, she'd be giving in to him within ten seconds…and Mary had never been much of a gracious loser.

"I don't know what you're talking about" she stated as she turned her nose upwards.

"Yeah you do," he smirked, "admit it, you find me irresistible"

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Why wouldn't I? It's how I feel about you" he edged his face closer to hers, his voice getting softer with each passing second.

"Smooth" she breathed, unable to focus on anything except how close his lips were to hers.

"Always"

And then there was nothing besides her husband capturing her lips in a slow and rapturous kiss. Mary had tried to disguise the moan that left her throat at the moment of contact, but it was all to no avail, she had always adored his kisses – how they could be so soft but, during the right moments, could leave her trembling with desire – and she couldn't fight the way that the sensual and synchronised movements of their lips drew her in to a completely different world. The kiss remained steady, so that they could continue to draw each other into the void of desire, to tease and to tempt each other; unbridling themselves would only cheapen the end goal. Eventually, and with much dismay, Bert ended their kiss with a soft smack and pulled away to gaze at his wife through longing eyes and uneven breaths.

"What do you think, Mrs Alfred?" he smirked.

She gazed back up at him and pondered for a moment – licking her lips as she did so – but after a short while, she returned his sly smile.

"You'll have to do better than that" she announced.

* * *

 _ **Ten days past the due date:**_

"Mary, I'm home! Are you still pregnant?" Bert called humorously as he came home from work that evening.

"I'm in here!" she called from the drawing room, "and I'm still just as pregnant as I was this morning"

Bert chuckled to himself before hanging up his coat and making his way into the drawing room; upon entering, he found his wife relaxing – so to speak – on the sofa with a blanket and a novel. She smiled gently at him when he entered the room, but there was a slight pleading in her eyes, he could tell that she wanted so desperately to be able to rise from the sofa and welcome him with a kiss, but with her pregnancy in its last days, movement was easier said than done for her. He returned the smile empathetically – but with genuine love sparkling in his eyes – and moved towards her. He cupped the side of her neck with his palm and drew her in for a delicate kiss, one so soft and loving that it reminded Mary of his devotion to her.

When their kiss ended, Bert let the tip of his nose caress hers before sitting next to her on the sofa and silently inviting her into his embrace – an invitation that she accepted without a moment of hesitation. He kissed the top of her head lightly – which caused her to sigh with contentment, and it was the first time she'd done so in a long while.

"Well, I'm almost glad to 'ear that, 'cos I didn't 'ear anything about you goin' into labour today, so it would've been quite a shock to come 'ome and find you with a baby"

"Speak for yourself! I would've found it rather relieving"

"Mary Alfred, I'm quite sure you're the only woman t' ever say such things about childbirth"

"Well, I wonder how many other women have gone this far past their due date?"

"You didn't feel anythin' at all today?"

"Well, I did feel some stirring and a few sharp kicks earlier this afternoon" she said somewhat absently.

"And?" Bert probed with worry, even though it was clear that his wife was not in labour…nor had she gone into labour that afternoon.

"They stopped after a while, so I took a nap" she said simply – a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"A nap?"

"I don't always sleep well at night, so I take whatever rest I can get"

"How uncomfortable 'as it been today?" he asked her sweetly after kissing the top of her head once more.

"Not terrible…but my feet have been killing me, though"

"Turn sideways and lie on your back" he told her through an affectionate exhale.

"Why?"

"I'm going t' rub your feet"

"Oh, you don't have to do that, Bert"

"I know I don't 'ave to, but I want to…now lie down" he commanded teasingly.

This time, Mary did as she was told. She struggled a bit with adjusting her position, but once she was comfortable and Bert began to tenderly – and quite skilfully – work the muscles of her feet, she instantly felt a great strain flow out of her body which allowed her to relax. Her eyes fluttered to a close as the soothing sensations of tense muscles unknotting soaked into her and it was all she could do to stop herself from moaning in a way akin to a wanton. Bert chuckled at her obvious delight.

"How's that?"

"Wonderful" she breathed, barely able to catch her breath.

"Okay, well, I'm not gonna stop until you're feeling more relaxed"

"We may be here all night then" she snickered.

"Fine by me"

"Mmm, you're ridiculous"

"You've been sayin' that a lot lately" he laughed.

"I never lie, Bert" she managed to open her eyes long enough to wink at him.

"I thought you said you were never unkind either?" he teased.

"Perhaps I find your ridiculousness endearing?"

"Perhaps you do. Although, be careful what you say about me since _I'm_ the one rubbing _your_ feet"

"And _I'm_ the one whose been carrying _your_ child for the last nine months…and is still carrying it, I might add"

"Touché, my love" he smiled as he moved to work on her other foot, "Did you speak with doctor Miller today?"

"Yes, I did, he said he's had an influx of appointments recently, but he's going to try and see me within the next few days"

"To have the sweep?"

"Yes, to have my less soot-cover and far less handsome sweep"

Bert laughed heartily at her comment.

"'ow come you can say somethin' as soppy as that, and yet _I'm_ the ridiculous one?"

"Because you know better than to argue with me" she reasoned playfully.

"Oh, yes ma'am"

After that, they fell into a comfortable silence, the kind of silence that they truly treasured because it reminded them that they were always happy as long as they were in each other's company, they never felt any kind of desperate need to force a conversation or to make sure that they were always active during their time together. No, this kind of silence reminded them that simply being together was enough to make their life blissful, regardless of where they were or what they were doing.

Mary took the time to gaze across at her husband, and without warning, an overpowering gush of warmth flooded straight into her heart; she really did love him. He had been so good to her throughout the pregnancy – more than he needed to be – and she was beyond grateful. From day one, he would always ask her how she was feeling, if there was anything she needed and was always there to support her in her passing moments of weakness…not to mention that he was simply ecstatic when he found out that he was going to be a father. Whenever there was chance for him to touch or talk to her stomach, or even gush to their friends about Mary and the baby, he would always take it. She knew that she was truly blessed.

But her reverie was interrupted when a heavy jab came from within her stomach, and soon she was clutching at the swelling and letting out breathy sighs to try and carry herself through the pain. Bert's hands stopped immediately, and she watched as his eyes flared with alarm.

"Mary, what's the matter? Is the baby coming?" he spluttered.

But the pain faded as quickly as it had come.

"No, Bert, it was just a kick…unfortunately" she added with a smirk.

Bert released a breath that he hadn't realised he'd been holding; whilst he too wanted their baby to finally come into the world (and for Mary's discomfort to end), he always felt like a nervous wreck whenever he felt about the birth. He had briefly discussed with Mary his fears of inadequacy when it came to the matter of supporting her when the time came, but she had quickly shut that down, reminding him that he was an incredible husband and would continue to be so when she went into labour. Besides, it would be completely new for the both of them…so they were allowed to mess up a little. Mary had seen the panic in his eyes and ran a calming hand down his arm before looking at him with reassurance.

' _When the time comes everything will be okay…and you'll be amazing'_

He could read her like a book. He replied with a somewhat bashful smile before leaning in to kiss her stomach and smile down at where their baby was still calling its home.

"You'd better make your appearance soon, little one, or else you're gonna give daddy a heart attack…and he'll 'ave to keep giving mummy foot rubs" he chuckled, and so did Mary.

Bert shifted his gaze so that he could talk to his child but looked longingly at his wife.

"Of course, you could be 'ere sooner, but mummy is quite unwilling to let me make love to 'er!" he joked.

"Oh, Bert, really? This again?" she asked with feigned offence.

"I'm only teasing…well, partially"

"It's a silly theory, Bert, and besides the obvious pleasures, I really don't see why you're so eager to indulge in it"

"Because I love you" he said whilst cocking his head.

"I love you too…but I refuse to pander to your childish requests"

"So, you're going t' stifle your own longing for me just t' prove a point?" he chortled.

"Yes" she said stubbornly before realisation hit her, "wait, who says I have a longing for you?"

"You do. Not with words obviously, but I've learnt to read yer looks, Mary"

"Very funny" she sarked.

"Oh, I'm quite serious" he winked.

"Well, so am I. No experimental lovemaking"

"I'm telling you it'd work"

"Well, I'm quite content in not knowing the answer"

Bert leant down to her stomach once more.

"Remember, kiddo, sometimes daddy _does_ know best"

"Don't listen to him!" Mary chirped – causing them both to laugh for a while.

"I really hope they'll be here soon" she sighed fondly.

"They will be, love, I'm sure of it"

* * *

 _ **Thirteen days past the due date:**_

"Okay, this is beyond a joke now" Mary proclaimed semi-seriously when she awoke that morning.

Upon awakening from her slumber, she had stayed completely still for a few moments, waiting – and perhaps begging – to feel something, _anything_ that might finally indicate the arrival of their child; Bert had caught her doing this and had also waited in stifling anticipation, but their river of hope ran dry when Mary remained without any such clues…excluding a few gentle kicks and stirrings.

"And doctor Miller still can't come and see you?"

"He said he'd try and fit me in tomorrow"

"Tomorrow is Sunday"

"He's making an exception…apparently the longer I go on with this pregnancy, the rarer my 'case' becomes, so he wants to hurry up and try and induce the labour…or at least give me a check-up"

"Okay, well, at least we'll probably start to see some progress within the next day or two" he reasoned encouragingly.

Mary twiddled her fingers atop the covers for a while and looked down at them thoughtfully.

"Mary?"

"I'm starting to get worried, Bert" she admitted.

"I know, love, but doctor Miller 'asn't given us any reason to worry, 'e said 'imself that everything is fine with you and the baby…we just need to wait a little longer"

"I know…but the longer this goes on, the riskier it becomes"

"It's goin' to be fine, I promise you. And we're gonna keep believin' it's fine until the doctor tells us otherwise, alright?"

"Okay" she nodded. Bert had always possessed this uncanny ability to always make her feel better. Still, she steeled herself and tried to distract herself with a slightly different topic, "at least I'll soon be rid of this baby weight"

"Hmm, I think I might miss it"

"Do you want it?" she laughed, "because you're more than welcome to it – it's a nightmare!"

"No, I mean it looks quite nice"

"You think my overly swollen stomach – the very thing we discussed makes me look like a whale – looks nice?"

"Well, yeah, in a way. I think it makes y' looks quite radiant, an' very motherly…there's something quite attractive about that"

Mary opened her mouth to respond, but Bert swiftly added,

"An' don't tell me I'm bein' ridiculous!" he chuckled.

"For once, I wasn't going to, I was actually going to thank you"

"Thank me?"

"Yes?"

"What for?"

"Well, I suppose I should be thanking you for everything, I couldn't have asked for a better companion throughout this pregnancy, and it's times like this that I really treasure. Bert, darling, I don't think there's any man on this earth – besides you – who could make a woman feel good about her extra baby weight. I mean, you said it was attractive for goodness sake!"

"It _is_ attractive, it's the proof that you're gonna be the mother of my child, it's the proof of our love an' that soon we're gonna be a proper family…'ow could I see it as anythin' less than beautiful?"

She was absolutely speechless, and she surrendered herself to being content with simply gazing into his eyes and ignoring the gentle prickle of tears that was beginning to build.

"I love you" she said with undeniable gravity.

"I love you too"

And then, no more words were spoken as Mary cupped his cheek and guided his lips to hers for a passionate kiss, only this time, neither of them bothered with gentility, instead, the kiss was immediately fiery, and their lips moved together without any sort of hesitation. Mary wasn't quite sure why Bert's words had sparked such a desperate longing in her, but she certainly wasn't going to ignore it. She pulled him closer and allowed his tongue to search for her own, and she didn't bother to hold back the moans as their tongues began a slow battle for dominance.

She slid her hand around to grip lightly at his hair and – somehow – managed to pull him even closer, she knew it was pointless to fight it now, the flames were erupting from within her and her nerves were prickling to life; she wanted to feel the delicious weight of his body against her own, even if it would be her undoing. She pulled away reluctantly and watched as his heaving breaths matched her own, and when she looked into his eyes, she saw the same desperate longing that she knew was lapping at her own senses.

"Make love to me" she breathed suddenly.

"But I thought –"

"—No. No, thinking, this isn't about the baby, this is about you, I want _you_ …now come here before I change my mind"

He didn't need to be told twice.

When it was all over, Mary lay in her husband's arms; they were panting heavily, their bodies sheathed in sweat and were utterly sated…not to mention blissful. Their legs were tangled beneath the sheets and Bert pressed several tender kisses to the back of her neck before nuzzling into her and allowing himself to doze peacefully.

"You are an amazing woman, Mary Alfred" he whispered, his voice still husky from their shared passion.

"You're not so bad yourself" she chuckled, "you're not going to fall asleep on me, are you? The day has barely begun"

"Mmm, could I rest me eyes for a few moments? You seem to have worn me out"

"I assure you that I am just as fatigued…but, what pregnant woman isn't?"

"I admire your ability t' laugh at your own adversity"

"Well, the world would be a miserable place if we didn't seek out the more positive aspects"

"I'll remember that next time you complain about yer due date" he teased.

"But you just said you admired my attitude towards it"

"I never said a was a consistent thinker" he joked before yawning, "five more minutes?"

"Fine" she agreed, "but when we get up I want you to – _Oh!_ "

Mary interrupted herself when a sharp pain – one that lived somewhere between searing and aching – shot through her and buried itself within her abdomen, which caused her to clutch at her stomach and bite back a harsh groan. Bert was sitting up instantly – his senses now alert.

"Mary, what's wrong?"

"I…well, I think that – that I just had a contraction" she stuttered.

"Are – are y' sure?"

"Pretty sure, that certainly wasn't a kick I just felt"

"D-do you feel like you're gonna 'ave another?"

"I shouldn't do, not for a little while at least, they should be far apart at the beginning"

"Right. Right, okay, this is fine, I'll – uh – I'll go an' call the midwife, you just – uh – stay 'ere and relax" he spluttered as he practically leapt out of bed and pulled on some clothes.

"Bert, please clam down" Mary said as she pulled herself into an upright position.

"Please tell me you're scared too?"

"Oh, believe me, I'm terrified, but there's no use getting ourselves worked up. There's no getting away from it now so we might as well keep cool heads"

"Oh, 'ow I admire you" he breathed.

"Just take a deep breath and call the midwife, then at least she can take over when she gets here"

"Okay…okay" he breathed – nodding frantically.

Bert managed to calm himself enough to move in and kiss his wife's forehead, and before he left to phone the midwife, they gave each other one final steeling look of strength. It was time.

* * *

 _ **The arrival date:**_

As soon as their daughter was placed into her arms, Mary had forgotten all about the pain, instead all she felt was an overwhelming sense of love and adoration for the tiny being that wriggled and whimpered within her arms. She cried unashamedly at the sight of the beautiful little girl – whom they'd decided to name Elizabeth – and no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't believe that she was finally here and that they had a family.

Bert – who was just as captivated by their child as she was – leant in to kiss his wife's temple, but he knew that he'd never be able to truly thank her for all that she'd done and for giving him the gift of their beautiful little girl. A few tears scrolled onto Bert's cheeks too, but much like his wife, he was just far too captivated to care, especially when Mary gently trailed a finger down Elizabeth's cheek, and they watched in fascination as she twitched to try and process the foreign feeling.

"She's perfect, Mary. I'm so proud of you"

"Thank you for all that you've done for me, Bert, I couldn't have done it without you"

"Like you said a couple of weeks ago: it was a team effort"

"I can't believe she's finally here…we have a daughter" she breathed, trying to fully comprehend all that had happened in a matter of hours.

"Welcome to the world, Elizabeth" Bert said softly before brushing away a few of his tears…only to feel as fresh ones fell.

They barely recalled the conversation they had with their midwife after that, for the rest of the world had completely melted away once their eyes fell upon their child, but it was understood and completely forgivable. Neither Mary nor Bert ever thought they'd be this lucky, not only to find each other and to be able to live together in a marriage so strong from the force of their love, but to be able to have a family together and be able to marvel over their own little miracle. Blessed was the only appropriate way to describe it…and even that was an understatement.

"Do you realise how long we've been waiting to meet you?" Mary cooed to her child, "we were staring to think that you'd never make your appearance!" she giggled softly, "It was very uncomfortable to carry you for all that extra time, but you have no idea how happy I am to finally have you here. I love you so much"

"Was it all worth it?" Bert asked – knowing full well what the answer would be.

"Without a doubt," Mary confirmed, "I'll admit that labour was far from a 'relief', but now she's here and I'm just so… _happy_. It's funny, the relief of no longer being pregnant is the last thing on my mind right now"

"She really is beautiful" Bert observed.

"Like you said, she's perfect"

"You did so well, Mary…I just wish I could've eased the pain for you"

"As painful as it was, she makes it all worthwhile, I'd go through it a hundred more times if it meant I could hold her in my arms"

"'ow are you feeling now?"

"Sore and absolutely exhausted…but also awake, I just don't want to take my eyes off her"

"I feel exactly the same…well, I can relate to the latter half, at least" he chuckled before slowly bending his head to feather a kiss upon his daughter's forehead, "My precious little girl" he whispered.

There was so much love in the Alfred household.

"I really am glad she's finally with us" Mary said lightly.

"Hey, Mary"

"Yes?"

Then, Bert's token smirk returned.

"I told you making love would work!"

* * *

* - Okay so I have absolutely no idea whether or not the Sweep (or Membrane sweep) was used in the Edwardian era, I tired to research it but found nothing, so, for the purposes of this story, we're going to say it does...I only really used it so I could have Bert make his little sex joke! XD

 **AUTHOR'S NOTES: It's up to you to decided whether or not Bert was right! ;)**

 **Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed that because I'm actually rather proud of it and I do enjoy writing about Mary and Bert, plus, ever since I wrote "Intoxication" I've found that I really enjoy having a crack at comedy writing...I have no idea if I'm any good, but it's fun all the same!**

 **As always, my multi-chapter stories will all be updates soon, and it's likely that "Better than a Dream" will be the next one to get an update. In the meantime, feel free to check out my other stories, I've only been doing Mary Poppins, The Sound of Music and The Dick Van Dyke Show stories for the last year, so, if you like those, there's plenty to read!**

 **As always, I'd really love to hear what you thought of this, so please leave a review!**

 **I'll see you soon, my lovelies! xxx**


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